Gilbert

Soooo......We spent 104 days in the NICU. Before this I didn't even know what it stood for (Neonatal Intensive Care unit)!!!! It was the hardest 104 days I ever known and hope I don't ever experience again.

When you dream about having a baby your whole life, you don't dream about being in the NICU, and you don't dream about delivering 12 weeks early. I missed soooo many moments with Gilbert, most of them I'm sure I will never know I missed. I had to share him with a zillion other women that acted as his care giver. Interesting that I really didn't think about these things until I was out of there. When I was there I was sooo wrapped up in making sure he was getting the best care he could get!!!!

All of this to say, one of the things that has hurt me the most, was not being able to breastfeed. Last night I talked to George that I was going to stop trying and stop pumping (b/c it's very time consuming, esp. when I have to do it when Gil is sleeping or calm enough for me to put him down). George and I agreed to try until Friday and then go from there, then today (actually the first day it has been just Gil and I) he held on for 15 minutes on both sides. God is Good!!!! Even if it might not last (my production is way down) a few minutes is all I have been praying for, just to have a few of those moments back I didn't get!!!!